I love kids. I used to be a camp counselor. I used to teach preschool. I used to nanny. My niece is the light of my life. I hold every kid I've ever taken care of close to my heart. I love kids. But I haven't been ready to have my own. You need to be prepared for that.
I just got out of a four year relationship with someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. As if that isn't hard enough, it seems everyone I talk to these days is putting extra pressure on me to have babies ASAP. Not something a woman wants to hear when she has no life partner. Especially when she wants kids.
A year ago I was looking at engagement rings and houses with my boyfriend. Now I am battling cancer alone and may loose any hope of carrying my own babies. What. The. Fuck.
1) We think we caught the cancer early and may have only compromised one ovary.
2) My tumor was slow growing (yay!) So slow growing that it won't respond to chemo or radiation (oh.)
3) In about 6 weeks I will have another surgery to remove at least my right ovary, abdominal lymph-nodes, and a muscle that sits below your stomach to protect your abdomen.
4) There is a good chance that my cancer is caused by genetic mutation. If my BRCA1 & 2 test comes back positive (in about a month) I will have to have a full hysterectomy.
5) If I am able to keep everything reproductive related other than my right ovary, I will still need a hysterectomy in a couple of years as the cancer will come back if I don't. Which means I am on the clock. No pressure.
Although my first visit at Dr. Lee's office was an overall good experience I still had one annoyance. Every person, and I mean EVERY. PERSON. I came into contact with at that office asked me if I was married. No? Boyfriend? NO? Why not?! Ughm, I'm single. Thats ok girl! We'll get you all fixed up!
I'd rather you cure the cancer first, please.
Every new person I met - the conversation started all over again. At least 5 times. Dr. Lee explained to me why. The only reason they are even considering letting me keep my reproductive system is because I have yet to have the kids I want one day. Otherwise it would be ripped out no questions asked. But my timeline is short. So I should giddyap.
She explained, "I mean, its ok not to be ready right this second. But, do you have a boyfriend? No? Thats ok. Any friends you would consider having a child with? No? Oh thats ok. You still have time. Do you think you'll meet someone soon??"
Were all of the women in this office trained by Jewish Grandmothers? Did I read the sign on the door wrong? Is this an army of Russian Babuskas in disguise? Since when did I become a freakin cat lady?!?! I am getting over a serious breakup. I was just diagnosed with CANCER. I am not in a healthy place for a new relationship. Literally - last thing on my mind. Was I supposed to proposition Carl in the x-ray waiting room? Cause unless one of my doctors is male, single, and loves needy women I just don't think I'm going to be meeting anyone anytime soon.
Its so funny that I spent so many years trying not to get pregnant and it was a good thing, but the year I am turning 30 everyone around me seems to think it would be a good idea to go into the local bar and get knocked up by some random. No. Thanks. What do they want me to do, put out a Craigslist ad?
Seriously Ill Adventure Seeker looking for a Baby Daddy
Do you love confident, secure women turned needy? Does the thought of being with a seriously ill woman excite you? Have you ever wanted to spread your seed across the US? Are you insecure enough in your manhood to knock up a woman and leave it all behind? If so, then am I the girl for you!
I don't need much, just a couple of good swimmers. I don't need to know your name, just a brief family medical history. My doctor would prefer this happen now, so come on over baby. I leave my door open just hoping someone will walk in and impregnate me.
Forget that shit. Thats not how this is going down. I'll be single as long as I want. As long as its right. I've never needed a boyfriend to enjoy my life and I won't change that now. I still believe in true love and I won't settle for any less. Instead I met with a fertility specialist to talk about my options for freezing my eggs. Cat lady style.
The process of IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) was explained to me by Dr. Jason Griffith at the Houston Fertility Institute. It is a 2 week process starting with an ultrasound and a meeting with a nurse who would teach me how to inject myself with drugs each morning for 10 days to stimulate a boost in egg production. During this time I would need to visit their office every other day for an ultrasound and a blood test to monitor hormone levels. Afterwards (when the time is right) I would need an outpatient procedure where I would go under anesthesia and have a needle connected to a suction device guided by an ultrasound go into my ovary and retrieve the eggs. The goal is to get 10-15 eggs. Afterwards I go home and my eggs are frozen in storage for whenever I may want them.
Ok, easy enough. Although the thought of renting a storage locker for my eggs is kinda weird. But whatever. Champions aren't afraid of weird.
The kicker is that we first need to make 100% sure there is no cancer in my other ovary. Because if there is and they stick a needle into it they will effectively spread cancer to other parts of my body.
So I am continuing with tests. Those happen next week.
The other factor in this is just how expensive the process is. Insurance doesn't cover the cost of IVF - even for cancer patients. The fertility drugs alone are $6,000. But no worry, said Dr. Griffith - there are organizations that help offset the cost of this for cancer patients in my situation.
Livestrong buys fertility drugs for women needing IVF because of cancer. I fax in my application and hear back in one business day. Thats pretty awesome, I have to say. And so considerate of Lance Armstrong to let me know in such a timely manner if I qualify for him to help knock me up.
So thats where I am. I want a family one day and Lance Armstrong is trying to knock me up. I guess I can take down that Craigslist ad.